The Male Body

third thought: Thursday April 9

The Male Body

I write gay erotica stories because I enjoy sex, romance, and the male body. When I read gay erotica stories, they usually feature gay alpha males (big muscles), hot twinks (chiseled features, washboard abs), bearish leather daddies (hair in the perfect spots, big muscles, chiseled features, older but very hot), etc. I realized that most of my characters fit such descriptions - the archetype of the male body; that is, the type of body men and women fantasize having sex, and the type of body some men feel the need to achieve. Is this "perfect male body" taking a toll on our metal health?

Gay men have always been self-conscious about their bodies. Growing up, especially during my late teens and early twenties, it was "common knowledge" that "all gay men are hot." I agree with this statement but the definition of "hot" can vary from one person to another.

I love an athletic body. I pushed myself hard in the gym for many years in my mid-twenties to early thirties to maintain a tight, athletic body. I never had big muscles but I was fairly happy with my physique. My workouts and my diet became a religion because I felt that if I didn't have an athletic body, then I wouldn't be considered "hot" in the gay community. Interestingly enough, my attraction for men varied and a "hot" gay man depended much more on their personality than their body. Yes, there will always be an initial physical attraction, but sometimes it's the eyes, lips, or the way they move on the dance floor. Other times, it's a tattoo that catches my eyes, allowing me to converse with another man, and giving me insight into the man's personality. Nonetheless, there was always a muscled gay man whispering in my ear to keep working out and grow bigger muscles otherwise men would neither find me attractive nor talk to me. Regardless that I've been told I have a nice smile, great kissable lips (they work wonders during a blowjob!), and a fun personality (especially after a few drinks!), I continue to feel self-conscious of my body: I'm too skinny, I'm too fat, I don't have big muscles...

I came across a wonderful story via Upworthy about the new target of body-image: men. From toys for boys, the evolution of superhero bodies in cartoons and movies, and how society pressures men to feel confident about their bodies. Women are embraced to express their insecurities and men...well, not so much. The Upworthy story continues with a story about Chris, a man who feels self-conscious about his body. I think he's hot (Chris, if you're single, I'll wine and dine you!) but like most men, he has body issues, but unlike most men, he's opening up to discuss them. I applaud Chris and I think more men should do this mostly because there isn't one type of "hot" male body. The more men that come out and share their story, the better we can be as a group of men to support each other and realize that all body types are beautiful: big or small, tall or short, muscled or thin, washboard abs or beer bellies. This is especially important in the gay community where the archetypal gay male exists in its various communities and we make harsh judgments on those who don't fit in. It's already difficult growing up gay in a straight environment, why do we make it harder on ourselves in a community that should make us feel better about ourselves?

My goal, after learning about Chris's story, is to

1. be secure in the insecurities of my body
2. make a conscious effort to include various body types in my writing allowing different gay men see themselves in my stories (having hot sex!)

That said, I'm planning a revamp for this week's #TGIFF story. Sex between two men is more about attitude and desires and not body type. That's my opinion and we'll see how well it transfers over into my erotica.